How to Overcome a Jealous Man - FamilyVision Column

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Author: Daryl Green and Estraletta Green

How to Overcome a Jealous Man - FamilyVision Column

By Daryl Green and Estraletta Green

Bonnie knew Kramer loved her. He was always taking a keen interest in Bonnie's male friends. Kramer often kept up with her schedule. However, as time passed in this relationship, Bonnie found Kramer's questioning quite intrusive. Every conversation would lead to an argument. Bonnie felt herself trapped by Kramer's suffocating love. Bonnie wondered where this relationship would end.

The Haunting Truth

How can you survive another year with your jealous man? Do you find his actions getting old? Are you being routinely attacked? Sadly, it is impossible to communicate with a jealous person. It creates an uneasy environment. Living in this situation can be hurtful. You know you haven't done anything wrong, but the other individual doesn't believe you. Let's review this matter closer.

First, this article is not about that crazy jealousy that causes people to be obsessive to the point of destruction. In my own neighborhood while going up, I saw this insanity. George Eliot best described this behavior: "There is a sort of jealousy which needs very little fire; it is hardly a passion, but a blight bred in the cloudy, damp despondency of uneasy egoism." All the time you hear about a jealous boyfriend who murders his girlfriend and kills himself. His words often haunt society, "If I can't have you, no one can." If you are in this type of relationship, get out and move to safety. Second, our discussion deals with a mild case of jealous that is annoying in a relationship. Over the long-term, these accusations have severe consequences. This isn't an article written to make you feel guilty. However, this is an article about change and about making better decisions in your relationships.

A Real Revelation

In most cases, a jealous individual doesn't typically want to discuss this issue logically. Discussing a person's jealous behavior can lead to confrontation. The individual often changes the topic to something else. It places them on the defensive and makes for a bad dialogue. Sadly, many people spend their lives trying to explain why they are faithful to another person. It can be a losing process. The jealous individual is often insecure about themselves, and this is taken out on a loved one. No matter how much the loved one affirms this person, trust is always a concern. Over the long-term, no relationship will be healthy if the other person is in a constant state of jealousy or fear. However, if you want to avoid the endless fights and accusations, here are some suggestions:

1. Encourage this individual to discuss his jealous feelings.
2. Review your actions to determine if they are appropriate.
3. Ask a trusted friend to provide an objective viewpoint of the situation.
4. Seek to avoid placing yourself in compromising positions that could be interpreted differently.
5. Obtain professional help if the jealousy continues to get worsen.
6. Accept your situation if you can't change it. Make the best of it.

The Path Forward

Do you have a good relationship? What does your heart tell you? Serious relationships are built on the virtual of trust. A man who doesn't trust you is creating some negative energy in your life. Sadly, many individuals who deal with a protective man try to reason with themselves that these jealous actions are normal. They are not! Let's review this matter closer. Webster defines jealous as uneasy through fear of, or on account of, preference given to another and suspicion in love. Furthermore, fear is defined as a painful emotion excited by apprehension of impending danger or dread.

You may wonder what does jealousy and fear have to do with relationships. This is a good question. Obviously, true love doesn't operate in fear. Do you want more than a jealous love? Albert Ellis explains, "Acceptance is not love. You love a person because he or she has lovable traits, but you accept everybody just because they're alive and human." Don't get caught in the same traps of last year. Make a promise to secure only that genuine and sincere love. You can start today!